FOUR SHORT PARABLES FOR ISRAEL

By Bernard J. Shapiro

ISRAEL, CHARLIE BROWN & LUCY

As a kid, one of my favorite cartoons was Charlie Brown and his gang of off beat characters. It is a little embarrassing to admit that my fondness for Charlie Brown extended way into my adulthood. There was something about him that seemed to correspond to my life. He was always trying to do good but forces beyond his control kept intervening.

One of those forces was a nasty little girl named Lucy. She would promise Charlie to hold a football so he could kick it. Simple enough, except she never followed through on her promises. She would pull the football away and Charlie always landed on his back, stunned at the betrayal.

It may sound over simplified to equate Israel with Charlie Brown, but I am going to do it. Israel repeatedly has tried to make a cease-fire and negotiate with the Palestinian Authority and Yasser Arafat. Of course they always end up on their back with more suicide bombings, shootings, and sniper attacks.

And it continues today with Israeli PM Ariel Sharon and his faith in Mohammad Abbas to bring peace. Unfortunately Israel will fall on its back but the injuries will be more than a backache - murder and mayhem most likely.

REBOOT SHARON, SAVE ISRAEL AND ENSURE SECURITY

Wishful Thinking

Let's face it, things have not gone well for Israel since Sharon was elected. While we all cheered his election and had very high expectations for his government, the reality has been shocking. Although he was elected by a national/ Zionist/religious coalition, Sharon seems to have undergone a radical transformation. With great skill he seems to have sacrificed his natural coalition on the right in order to curry favor with Bush and the Israeli left. The Labor-left leaders are having a rollicking good time watching Sharon trying to out-Peres Peres. Sharon seems to have mastered the "give the terrorist Arabs anything they wants" trick that we all thought was peculiar to the previous government.

Conspiracy theorists are also hyperactive these days with "explanations" for Sharon's bizarre conversion to the philosophies of the suicidal left. Here are some rumor categories for easy reference:

1. The American Connection: Bush and the State Department have exerted pressure of such magnitude that Sharon could not withstand it. The visible support from Bush was just a cover. In this theory, Arab money, the oil lobby and ex-government officials like James Baker are providing the incentive and intellectual cover for selling Israel out.

2. The Trilateral Connection: Men like David Rockefeller and Henry Kissinger, agents for the Trilateral Commission, "bought" Sharon in the 70's. Under this theory, the late Yitzhak Rabin was also bought so that they would have control of Israel regardless of which party was in power.

3. The Empty Shirt Theory: This theory holds that Sharon despite his brilliant military record is all "bulldozer". Once in office, it is revealed that he has no ideology and is a weak reed "blowing with the political wind."

4. The PLO A-Bomb Theory: About a year ago the Freeman Center received confirmation that Iran had bought four nuclear devices from the Former Soviet Union (two from Russia, one from the Ukraine, and one from Kazakhstan). There is speculation that Arafat smuggled one into Israel via a tunnel from the Egyptian Sinai into PA Gaza. A Palestinian VIP with permission to enter Israel without having to go through security, smuggled the bomb into the Tel Aviv area and buried it. Sharon was told by Arafat that if the Oslo process did not go forward to his satisfaction, Tel Aviv would be destroyed.

5. The Alien Abduction Theory: Many of our readers who watched the X-Files on TV have written to me convinced that Sharon was abducted by aliens. They insist that Sharon doesn't even exist and the image we see of him is projected telepathically by one of the "aliens" who abducted him.

For the record, I don't believe any of those theories. I have a simpler solution to the Sharon riddle. Sharon is like my computer; he needs to be rebooted periodically. For those not familiar with computers, let me explain. Every once in a while computers get confused and they freeze up. The screen stops working, the mouse has no effect and generally you can't do anything. The solution is to turn the computer off and then turn it back on. This is called rebooting and by some mysterious process everything begins to work properly. All the electrical connections suddenly know exactly what they are supposed to do.

Sharon's problem is that he knows what is best for Israel, but somehow has become frozen in a defective policy (Oslo, the Roadmap, the Retreat), and all his cognitive and operative controls are refusing to function. So we must reboot Sharon in order to save Israel and ensure security. Here's my plan:

Sharon needs to give up being Prime Minister for a period of six weeks. Three members of the cabinet, Uzi Landau, Michael Kliener, and Natan Sharansky, will share the duties of PM during this period of time. They will be trusted (by the rational public) with this responsibility because of their high integrity and proven devotion to Israel. Sharon will go to a quiet peaceful place -- perhaps Safed, where he will be rebooted. Great Zionist thinkers, historians, philosophers and religious leaders will each spend one whole day with him discussing the major issues facing Israel's future. Elyakim Ha'etzni and Paul Eidelberg might spend Mondays with him and Shmuel Katz and Arie Stav on Tuesdays. David Wilder and Gary Cooperberg would come from Hebron on Wednesdays. Strategic analyst Lou Rene Beres and terrorist expert Yossef Bodansky as well as Zionist leaders like Morton Klein and Herb Zweibon would come from the US. Joe Gellert and Christopher Barder from England would come to visit Sharon on Thursdays. On Fridays, Sharon would be blessed by a visit from Ruth and Nadia Matar. Rabbis Eliezar Waldman and Zalman B. Melamed would conduct Shabbat Services and meet with Sharon every Shabbat. Dr. Aaron Lerner will spend Sundays with Sharon going over all Oslo/Roadmap documentation.

If all goes according to my plan, Sharon will emerge from the six weeks retreat, rebooted and ready to be a Maccabean leader of Israel. He will have become a proud Jew, unafraid of the U.S. State Department, Mubarak, Arafat and the Israeli leftist fifth column. He will go forth with the blessing of Hashem, to blow the shofar loud and clear to all the world: There is a new Israel. We will pursue our destiny with great vigor and without apology.

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Editor's Note: I modified this folk tale around 1994 and broadcast it during the early days of the Oslo appeasement process. It is now 2005 and we have Ariel Sharon as our Prime Minister. He is a man who historically knows how to do battle with the enemies of Israel. Has he lowered his guard, trying to be friends with everyone? Including the world that abandoned us many times to slaughter for over the last 2000 years?..........Bernard J. Shapiro

A Folk Tale For Israelis

MAKING PEACE WITH WOLVES

How do you make peace with wolves? This question has faced man since he settled the land and domesticated animals for livestock. "G-d created the wolves too," man thought "they too must have some kind of purpose, but why do they slaughter my sheep?" "I'll make peace with them" the man thought. "Surely they will understand what that means, for they are part of G-d's creatures."

So the man met with the wolves and promised them food and shelter if they would leave his sheep alone. The wolves, seeing desperation and weakness, agreed. They lived amongst the sheep, the man fed them and sheltered them and they grew strong and multiplied. One day as the man went out to feed his flock and the wolves, he only found wolves, standing amongst the slain carcasses of his stock. "Why? Why have you killed my sheep?" the man screamed "Haven't I fed you? Haven't I sheltered you? WHY? The wolves looked at the man and smiled,

"Why, you ask, have we slain your sheep? Because YOU LET US, after all we ARE still wolves!"

A government is like a shepherd, its DUTY is to the flock, NOT the wolves. This is a lesson Peres and his Labor government never learned. Peace is wonderful! Peace is what we all want for Israel (the world for that matter) but do we want the peace of a cemetery or the peace of a strong, secure nation? One of two things need to happen, either the Israeli government needs to take off the rose colored glasses and see the wolves for what they are OR the flock needs to get a new shepherd!

Sharon, this applies to you.

ISRAEL AND THE CAMEL DUNG

A Jewish Parable

On his deathbed Neville Chamberlain, former British Prime Minister, said the following to his son:

"Everything would have worked out OK if Hitler had not lied to me."

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The circumstances which led to this tale of ISRAEL AND THE CAMEL DUNG were first predicted by the wise men of Chelm sometime in the 18th century. It took 200 years and the revival of the Jewish State for this prediction to come true. At the time these wise men were dismissed as fools.

Sometime in the early 1990's there was a wise King of Israel named Peres the Brilliant. The most serious threat to Israel came from evil man named Yassir the Bloody. Now Peres wondered how he could make peace with Yasser so that Israel would be loved throughout the Middle East. He and his favorite advisor, Beilin the Poodle, set out the make peace and change the Middle East forever.

First they sent emissaries to Yassir and when they found that he was receptive, a meeting was scheduled. They couldn't meet in Israel so they chose the next best place, Oslo. When they all entered the meeting room, everyone noticed a smell coming from a package held by Yassir. Peres didn't want to insult Yassir but was very curious and the odor was a bit overpowering. As was normal, Peres whispered to his Poodle to ask the delicate question. So Beilin asked Yassir and the rest is history.

You see Yassir revealed that a gypsy had sold him a pot of camel's dung that had magical powers. Yassir agreed to sell it to Israel for a price. That price turned out to be the Oslo agreement. According to Yassir, who got it straight from the gypsy, Israel could use the power of the camel dung to wish for peace. Peres and his Poodle were very excited and concluded the Oslo deal with Yassir the Bloody. They then went back to Israel with the camel dung and said that they now had the power to create a peaceful New Middle East.

In the years that followed, peace never came to Israel. Israel had done everything right. They gave up land, water and Holy Sites to Yassir's bloody gang of Arabs. Periodically they checked with Arafat and complained that the camel dung wasn't working. The new King of Israel, Barak of the Wet Diaper, was told by Arafat that Israel must give him Jerusalem, the Golan, and the right of return of 5 million displaced Arabs. Since Barak was getting diaper rash and becoming very cranky, he decided that he must go along with Arafat to bring peace to Israel. Then their government was defeated.

Today a new king, Arik the Bulldozer, has arisen in Israel. With the encouragement of Peres the Brilliant, he has decided to make a deal with the new palestinian Arab PM, Mohammad Abbas. Abbas explained that Arafat was wrong about camel dung and Israel really needed for peace was goat dung. Convinced, Arik the Bulldozer accepted all of the Arab demands.

The rest is history. All those returning Arabs drove the Jews into sea. No country would allow the Israelis to emigrate to their country. Who needs Jews said the British? The Americans didn't have any room for Jews since millions of illegal immigrants were coming without permission.

There in the great sea, sitting on a raft that was starting to sink, Peres the Brilliant, Beilin the Poodle, and Barak of the Wet Diaper and Arik the Bulldozer were discussing the horrible disaster befalling Israel.

Peres summed up the situation in a very brilliant way: "Camel dung does not have magic powers and neither does goat dung. Everything would have worked out OK if Arafat and Abbas had not lied to us.."

THE SHORT CHANGE ARTIST AND OSLO

Or Why One Shouldn't Make Redeployment Maps

During my 23 years as owner of House of Books in Houston, I learned many valuable lessons. One in particular seems to have an application to the current situation in Israel. Let me explain: In 1978, the store was victimized by a short change artist. One of my clerks was at the register when a well dressed gentleman approached with a paperback book costing $2.95. He gave her a $20 bill and then began a back and forth exchange of money. In the end, the bookstore lost about $60.

I called the Houston police department and requested that an officer come to the store and brief my employees on how to prevent this crime from happening again. The officer came and told us a little story. It seems that Johnny Carson once asked a short change artist to come to his show and try to fool him while he was fully alert to what was going down. The criminal had no problem and his skill marveled the audience.

The Lesson: No matter how smart you are, a professional shortchange artist will win out. He is a pro. He does this day in and day out.

How To Stop The Short Change Artist: You simply MUST NOT PLAY HIS GAME. At the first hint of the scam, my employees were told to close the register and call security. They were specifically told NOT to try to outsmart or "keep up" with the short change artist.

How does this apply to Israel and the redeployment? Very simple. Think of Yassir Arafat and the US State Department as short change artists. They set up a scam called "Oslo" and the "peace process." They exchange promises for territory. They keep the territory but never keep their promises. Like I said, it is a scam. Along came the new Likud Prime Minister, Bibi Netanyahu, who believed that he was smart enough to control the GAME. Only he couldn't. No one can. He was up against pros who have been scamming nations for decades. The State Department has reneged on commitment after solemn commitment to the Jewish State. Still they continue, pledging friendship, while surgically inserting knives in our backs.

This high drama of Oslo, Roadmaps and Sharon's Retreat, are just another manifestation of the attempt to control the GAME. There is only one way to win for Israel: Don't play!

We must tell Sharon and the world that the cash register of Eretz Yisrael is closed. The GAME is over. The scam is through.

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Bernard J. Shapiro is the executive director of the Freeman Center For Strategic Studies and the editor of its monthly Internet magazine, The Maccabean Online.


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