REBOOT BIBI, SAVE ISRAEL

AND ENSURE SECURITY

Wishful Thinking By Bernard J. Shapiro



Let's face it, things have not gone well for Israel since Bibi was elected. While we all cheered his election and had very high expectations for his government, the reality has been shocking. Although he was elected by a national/ Zionist/religious coalition, Bibi seems to have undergone a radical transformation. With great skill he seems to have sacrificed his natural coalition on the right in order to curry favor with Arafat and the Israeli left. The Labor and Meretz leaders are having a rollicking good time watching Bibi trying to out-Peres Peres. Bibi seems to have mastered the "give Arafat anything he wants" trick that we all thought was peculiar to the previous government.

Conspiracy theorists are also hyperactive these days with "explanations" for Bibi's bizarre conversion to the philosophies of the suicidal left. Here are some rumor categories for easy reference:

1. The American Connection: Clinton and the State Department have exerted pressure of such magnitude that Bibi could not withstand it. In this theory, Arab money, the oil lobby and ex-government officials like James Baker are providing the incentive and intellectual cover for selling Israel out.

2. The Trilateral Connection: Men like David Rockafeller and Henry Kissinger, agents for the Trilateral Commission, "bought" Bibi in the 70's. Under this theory, the late Yitzhak Rabin was also bought so that they would have control of Israel regardless of which party was in power.

3. The Empty Shirt Theory: This theory holds that Bibi is all spit-and-polish with no substance. His political philosophy was written by Yoram Hazony in order to get elected. Once in office, it is revealed that he has no ideology and is a weak reed "blowing with the political wind."

4. The PLO A-Bomb Theory: About a year ago the Freeman Center received confirmation that Iran had bought four nuclear devices from the Former Soviet Union (two from Russia, one from the Ukraine, and one from Kazakhstan). There is speculation that Arafat smuggled one into Israel via a tunnel from the Egyptian Sinai into PA Gaza. A Palestinian VIP with permission to enter Israel without having to go through security, smuggled the bomb into the Tel Aviv area and buried it. Bibi was told by Arafat that if the Oslo process did not go forward to his satisfaction, Tel Aviv would be destroyed.

5. The Alien Abduction Theory: Many of our readers who watch the X-Files on TV have written to me convinced that Bibi was abducted by aliens. They insist that Bibi doesn't even exist and the image we see of him is projected telepathically by one of the " aliens" who abducted him.

For the record, I don't believe any of those theories. I have a simpler solution to the Bibi riddle. Bibi is like my computer; he needs to be rebooted periodically. For those not familiar with computers, let me explain. Every once in a while computers get confused and they freeze up. The screen stops working, the mouse has no effect and generally you can't do anything. The solution is to turn the computer off and then turn it back on. This is called rebooting and by some mysterious process everything begins to work properly. All the electrical connections suddenly know exactly what they are supposed to do.

Bibi's problem is that he is basically a good Right thinking politician who somehow has become frozen in a defective policy (Oslo), and all his cognitive and operative controls are refusing to function. So we must reboot Bibi in order to save Israel and ensure security. Here's my plan:

Bibi needs to give up being Prime Minister for a period of six weeks. Three members of the cabinet, Uzi Landau, Ariel Sharon, and Raful Eitan, will share the duties of PM during this period of time. They will be trusted (by the rational public) with this responsibility because of their high integrity and proven devotion to Israel. Bibi will go to a quiet peaceful place -- perhaps Safed, where he will be rebooted. Great Zionist thinkers, historians, philosophers and religious leaders will each spend one whole day with him discussing the major issues facing Israel's future. Elyakim Ha'etzni and Yohanan Ramati might spend Mondays with him and Shmuel Katz and Arie Stav on Tuesdays. David Wilder and Gary Cooperberg would come from Hebron on Wednesdays. Zionist leaders like Morton Klein and Herb Zweibon from the US; Dan Nimrod from Canada; and Conrad Morris, Joe Gellert and Christopher Barder from England would come to visit Bibi on Thursdays. On Fridays, Bibi would be blessed by a visit from Ruth and Nadia Matar. Rabbis Eliezar Waldman and Zalman B. Melamed would conduct Shabbat Services and meet with Bibi every Shabbat. Dr. Aaron Lerner will spend Sundays with Bibi going over all Oslo documentation.

If all goes according to my plan, Bibi will emerge from the six weeks retreat, rebooted and ready to be a Maccabean leader of Israel. He will have become a proud Jew, unafraid of the U.S. State Department, Mubarak, Arafat and the Israeli leftist fifth column. He will go forth with the blessing of Hashem, to blow the shofar loud and clear to all the world:

There is a new Israel. We will pursue our destiny with great vigor and without apology.

 HOME  Maccabean  comments